A case of the Spongebob-Brain

Today I’m having a Spongebob-brain kind of day.
Spongebob, you might ask?
Well, you know, that silly yellow sponge from Bikini Bottom who’s always getting in trouble. Because who lives in a pineapple under the sea? A central pillar of my (extended) youth and inspiration on many fronts – is he.

There’s always been a lot of similarities between me and Spongebob. Not just because my memory tends to contain as many holes as his spongy persona. Not just because I’m as bad a driver as he is, not just because I have his talent of being completely oblivious to the feelings (of despair) of others around me, not just because I spent a good part of my life loving my job behind a fast-food counter but because we’re so very very alike in a lot of the more important things like our love for silly hobbies, dedication to friends and aptitude for pet-loving.

But that’s not what gives me a Spongebob-brain today. Because that doesn’t entail the forgetfulness, or obliviousness or weirdness at all. Nope. Having a case of the Spongebob-brain means that the procrastinator in you is having a fieldday. Much like Squid in the episode ‘Squids day off’ which is the basis of what (in my life, these days) qualifies as Spongebob-brain.

A bit of context?
In this particular episode, when Mr. Krabs falls ill, Squid is left in charge and immediately promotes Spongebob to ‘everything’ so he can go ‘run some bosslike errands’ – which actually translates to him having himself a well-deserved day off. Yet, that day off turns out to be filled by anxiety over the things he SHOULD actually be doing, a lot of running back and forth and Spongebob continuously reminding him of just that by (in Dutch) asking him ‘Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen?’ (How’s your errands going).

So on days when I get Spongebob-brain all I keep hearing is ‘Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen?’ in that annoying squeakily awesome voice. It’s days where I have work that needs doing, and will desperately try avoiding doing just that. With my brain having none of my crap and constantly putting a damper on every fun thing I distract myself with.

I’ll be sitting on the couch watching a series and hear ‘Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen?’. I’ll hop in the shower instead of get my chores done and’ll hear ‘Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen?’. I’ll drive tot a softball match and hear ‘Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen?’. These are days filled with an invisible battle between my ‘have to’s and ‘want to’s and are VERY effective in driving me completely and utterly mad.

Because I HATE THINGS I HAVE TO DO. Ask me on a spontaneous date? I’ll be so enthusiastic. PLAN it in my agenda two weeks ahead of time? I’ll be talking myself out of it because I hate appointments. Tell me I HAVE to spend the weekend working to make a deadline? I’ll fucking do my very best to NOT do said task. While, if done out of my own volition, I can spend every weekend working just to improve my results. When things are set in stone and get that ‘must’ character to them? I revolt. I refuse. I hit the deck and hide. I get Spongebob-brain.

Which is currently being made painfully obvious by me taking the time to write this down. Instead of doing the work I’m supposed to be doing. Heb je gedaan wat je moest doen Zoë? NO. OF FUCKING COURSE NOT.