Zoewiezoe

He’s just not that into you.

“We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception.” ― Liz Tuccillo, He’s Just Not That Into You It’s been romcom season in casa diContinue reading “He’s just not that into you.”

Blinkers are like people.

A lot of the things I find awesome in life revolve around similarities and differences. Metaphors and similes. Tautologies and metonyms. Puns that smudge the borders between grammarnazi-ism and hilarity. You see this a lot in my writing. And in my humor – as well. My favoritest joke (*which mostly proves that I am anContinue reading “Blinkers are like people.”

The ‘Not Enough/Too Much’ issue of love.

Breakups are the ideal time for self-reflection and a whole lotta talking. Personal growth – or so they say. I usually just translate it to a lot of ‘self-care’ instead. Which pretty much translates to binging (drinks, fastfood and Netflix) the memories and pain away. Brutal but effective. There always comes a point, however, whenContinue reading “The ‘Not Enough/Too Much’ issue of love.”

Wine Connaisseur

Contrary to the title – I am far from one. A wine connaisseur. Truly.Which is something that I do regret, kind of, seeing as I do drink a (sometimes disturbing) amount of the godly nectar that makes your tongue go scrunch. So when the finally got new wine for me at my softball club (howContinue reading “Wine Connaisseur”

I did the math. And boy. Do I suck at math.

Yesterday I turned my mattress back the 180 degrees that I’d shifted it at the start of my latest attempt at an ‘us’.Putting it back as it has been in the previous years of sleeping alone and in doing so drawing the line under what ‘we’ had been. Over. Now.Moving it back into the singleContinue reading “I did the math. And boy. Do I suck at math.”

Whole lotta nothing

Today is my first day back at work. Yay. Except not really. It just makes me realize that I need to win a jackpot sooner rather than later (even though I don’t even participate in any lotteries, so chances of that happening are even less than those at winning an actual lottery). Because I don’tContinue reading “Whole lotta nothing”

Diet NRE and True (bodily) Love

Every morning I turn into a bit of a sadomasochist. Emphasis on that latter part. It’s when I step on the scale and that damned thing tells me exactly what I never want to hear. The truth.And every time I turn into that person I’ve come to hate. My boss. You know the type –Continue reading “Diet NRE and True (bodily) Love”

McSparrows

Yesterday was pizzaday. Except for the fact that we drove aaaaall the way to the pizza place – only to find that they were closed. Vacation. How dare they plan THEIR vacation in MY vacation. Bastards. No harm no foul though (except for my mood) – because instead of pizza we drove to the McDonald’s.Continue reading “McSparrows”

Too cute to function!

Don’t you love those couples who seem to speak their own language? Full of inside jokes that aren’t funny to anyone, but has them unexpectedly bursting with laughter. Idioms no one gets. Words no one understands. A world of their own? I know. I hate them too.Unless I am in that couple.Then it’s the goddamnContinue reading “Too cute to function!”

Sportsloving by proxy

You know how they always say that dogs look like their owners? (Or, if you’re the mean kind, owners look like their dogs) It’s hilarious. Afghan hound owners rocking the same hippie hairstyle as their canine. English bulldog lovers with similarly scrunched up snouts. Dainty but feisty chihuahas with knitted sweaters, like their shrill-voiced yappyContinue reading “Sportsloving by proxy”