“We’re taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you’re the rule, not the exception.”
― Liz Tuccillo, He’s Just Not That Into You
It’s been romcom season in casa di Malinqa these past two weeks. It’s a foolproof and must-have break-up recipe that never fails to deliver. Almost as good as a great rebound. (Who am I kidding. Nothing beats a good rebound.)
Hyperromantic and happy-ending-assured movies are still fuckdamn awesome though.
However. For all my years of avidly watching anything with the romcom tag (because I’ve done enough of the breakups to merit these choices) – I had never managed to get around to seeing ‘He’s just not that into you’. Until it appeared on my Netflix last week.
And hit me smack-dab in the face with some romcom wisdom (which tends to be alot wiser than regular wisdom for the simple fact that it’s a whole lot more dramatic). It’s the type of wisdom that rings even more true when you’re in a certain mental space. Mindset. State of being. It’s a lot like country songs totally making ALL of the sense when you fall in (or out of) love. Romcoms are thoughtfodder for the broken heart-and-brain.
You see….
I CAN appreciate the core of the message of this movie:
That all of those people with the happy endings. The people with the one true loves. The people with the perfect matches?
They are the EXCEPTION. Not the rule.
(Aka, you’re not failing at life by being by your lonesome, nope. They’re just overachieving)
HOWEVER….
I CAN’T mold my beliefs to fit that knowledge. Insane. But true.
Now. I’ve always been kinda great at determining the ‘he’s not that into you’ kind of dudes. The schmucks. Commitment-phobes. Untruthful bastards and unreliable Andy’s.
I have a better douche-dar than gay-dar and have been mildly successful in weeding most of them out before they found their way in.
Plus: as a pessimist-to-the-core…looking on the dark side has always come SO naturally to me. I’ve never really hovered over phones. Never really cyberstalked someone in hopes of grabbing their attention. Never ‘casually’ walked by their favorite restaurant hoping to get spotted. I’ve always assumed guys AREN’T into me. And acted accordingly.
Detrimentally so. Even.
Especially since I HAVE always had this thing for the ‘out of my league’ types of dudes. Who, as it so happens, are VERY RARELY all that into you. And if they ARE for some magical reason still into you…you acting like you’re thinking that they’re not is SURE to make them run for the hills.
I fuck up being together with someone, for the simple fact that (even though I LIKE BEING ALONE) I act like being alone is the end on the world. Because the world has taught me that it is.
It’s because everyone tells us those ‘perfect’ lives ARE the rule.
But They aren’t. They really aren’t.
And assuming that they are puts us in that horrendous spot of vulnerability and desperation that is SURE to deter any real chance of being genuinely open to something or someone new because we’re forcing ourselves to fit a standard that is both unrealistic and unachievable FOR MOST. Being in a ‘societally-judged-as-not-perfect’ situation IS THE RULE THOUGH. Not those shiny lives we’re pelted with all the time. Those are the exception.
But nevertheless we still (or at least, I do) still act like we, the ‘unlucky ones’, are the exception. Instead of the rule. And in thinking this – fuck up any and all chances at becoming the exception.
Because if we’re TOO determined. TOO forced. TOO cramped and needy and clingy and and and JUST because we’re SO determined to get a hold of that societal view of ‘happy’ – all we’re really doing is making sure that they’re NOT going to be all that into you.
Because there’s so much truth in the saying ‘you’ll find what you need, when you stop looking so very hard’
I know this. I KNOW this.
But I can. not. stop. myself. from. looking.
From wanting.
From needing.
Even though I healthily assume all of those ACTUAL potentially awesome peeps out there are just…not…that…into….me.
Even though I KNOW that I’m awesome on my lonesome.
Even though I believe that I don’t need to have a certain type of life to be the kind of happy that I’ve always aspired.
But I still want to be what we’re taught is the rule but is actually the exception.
Still act like I’m the exception, while I’m most definitely the rule.
And in doing so become exactly the type of scarecrow for potential happiness that this GODDAMN WAY TOO ACCURATE romcom warns us about.
Because as soon as they all stopped trying SO VERY HARD…everything just kinda fell into place.
Which might happen for me too. If I ever DID stop trying so VERY HARD.
omg one of all time faves!! ive seen it like 50 times!! cant believe ur just now seeing it!! lol romcom classic
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SMiLes Dear Zoe True As Social Animals
Rejection Hurts Particularly When Society
Sells Yes Sells Such Impossibly High Standards
to Fit in
is it any
Wonder That
Increasingly We
Are Entering the
me Generation
of the
Eccentric
Child True if We
Cannot Meet The Standards
That Society Sells to Us What
We Can And Will Do is Build Our
Own Society Within And ALong the Ways
Like a Fantasy Come True It’s Real Online
ProvideS A World A Place Big Enough to
Find Others Similar to Us
True the Way
That “Herman
Munster” Jumped
For Joy When He
Met His True Love
“Lilly Dracula” Who Looked
All of 15 Years-Old Yet Surely
Aged More Like A Vampire Hehe…
in Numerical
Years at
Least Now…
Well in 2nd Grade
Blessed Sacrament Private Catholic
School in the City Tallahassee in 1967
The Year the “Sgt. Pepper’s Album Cover”
Came Out With “Aleister Crowley” in the Back
Row And a Stone Bust in the Burial Ground Front
Row Looking a Bit Strangely like me hehe at Least
in my View
Absorbing
All the Arts
From the Folks
Behind the Stone
Bust Becoming A Brand
New Creation of ‘Fredenstein’
As Such Through All the Efforts
of the “Lonely Heart’s Club Band”
As True The Color of Artists is Blue
With All Their Sky Blue Lows and Highs…
Well the Nuns Voted me As the Wittiest Boy
in 2nd Grade for my End of the Year Award
For Years i Wondered What it was that i did
that was Witty Yet Not unlike Herman Munster
All i had to
Do is Be me
Awkward, Clumsy,
Naive, And True Even
my Aunt the Mother of the
Cousins in the Photo Below
Just Bluntly Said i Looked Like Lurch
Yet i suppose She Forgot What Endeared
me to the Nuns Most Even though i Looked
Like A Frail 90 Year-Old Grand Pa Lurch
Man At 7 Years-Old And Didn’t Even Speak
Until 5 Years-Old on the Autism Spectrum True
my Aunt Forgot
That Lurch
Never
Smiled
Yet even then
i was the Cheshire
Cat Through All the
Storms Through So Many
Years and Even Decades
In Some Areas of my Life
One Who Never Lost a Smile
Then Even When the Children
Later in Middle School Spit on
me As Even in Trump Town USA
Back then in the Early 70’s Boys
Were Not allowed to Smile by the
Authority of Young Onward Christian
Marching Bully Boy Soldiers Same Ones Who
NoW
Yell Don’t
Mask my
Child And
Save Him and
or Her From a Deadly
Pandemic Unvaccinated
Some Ignorance Remains
And So Does Fredenstein’s Smile
That i continue to Hide my True Identity
With a Mustache my FRiEnD yet not really
As i Celebrate My Eccentricity As Any Frankenstein
Will Who Comes to Accept All the Diverse Parts Gifted
By Both Ancestors and All the Lonely Heart’s Club Band
Members Then And Still to Come… It’s True i am Just about
As Strong as Herman Munster too And i Probably Wouldn’t
Even Have Any Grey Hairs on my Chest if Only i had Learned
How to
Age in Reverse
Before the Age of 53 Hehe…
As Yeah i Just increased my Warm-Up
Weight in Leg Pressing from 1340 Pounds
to 1380 Pounds and i’ve Already Done Up
to 1520 Pounds With Ease 8-Reps at Max Now
at 61, The Child Who Everyone Said Was too Ugly,
Strange, And Weak to Exist the Child the Christian
Kids Spit on For Smiling As A Boy And Called the
F Word And Not Fredenstein Either or Even Frankenstein…
The Same Christian Kids Would Eventually Spit-On My Wife for
Being Poor In the Free Lunch Line Shaming Her to the Point She
Couldn’t Even Bear to Eat And It’s True the Kids Were Not too Kind
to me at
Catholic
School Either
Even in Second Grade…
The Nuns Were Terrifying
If the Hall Monitors Caught You
Breaking Any Rules They Would
Bang Rulers on the Children’s Hands…
i Couldn’t Eat Either And Developed Anemia
i Was Not Only Autistic yet Very Ill From A Maladapted
Society That Had Already Lost some of its Ability to be
Kind to
People
Who are Different…
i Celebrate my Eccentricity
And my Inner Herman Munster
And True i Literally Had to Become
Faster than a Speeding Bullet at the
Speed oF LiGHT to Do it Fitting All 245
Pounds in this Fiber Optic Cable Flash
i Am And Spider Man
For Real too
Spinning
my Net
And Lair
on a Web
Others Have Created
For me and You/Others to Be All of who We
Are As Eccentric And Strange And Creative
As We Care to Be Those Who Want to Ride
Mr. Toad’s
Wild
Audacious
Ride Are Welcome
to Come with me A
Small World Now it is
of Mother Nature’s Strange SMiLing FRiEnDS…
Hey i can’t blame You for Dating Up With Beauty
After All i Did Marry ‘Lilly Dracula/Wonder Woman”
Who Seems to Never Age too And Even When She Gains
That Attractive White Streak in Her Hair She Will Still be the Best Girl in the World to me…
i Kid You not i spend Day and Night Still Grabbing At Her Butt And Taking Photos of
Her Like a Super Model…
Yet Remember
Where i Came
From too…
A Fine Wine
That Ages in Reverse
Truly Appreciates All
The DarK And LiGHT Life Has to Offer Now…
i Never met a Stranger Not Even A Grain of Sand
Below How Blessed to Come From the Real Bottom of
The Pyramid And Never Lose Where i come for Real…
Yet i Don’t Take Kind to People Bullying Others and
Injustice Finds A Way to Heal with me As Gently As
Possible of
Course
As i am
Way too
Strong to Harm
Anyone too Long…
As One Martial Arts
Kick Would Practically
Kill Anyone Stone Cold Dead…
True, i Don’t Always Turn the Other Cheek Either
With WereWolf Grins Not Restricted to Any Particular
Phase of the Moon…
HOWLinG
LoVE
HOWLinG LoVE…
It’s A Huge Mistake
To Mistake One Who
Inhales Peace and Exhales
Love Eternally NoW as Weak…
As This is a Place of No Fear…
Fear IS A Source oF ALL Weakness
Peace and Love is the Place of REAL
SUPERMEN AND OR SUPERWOMEN NOW…
As Long as We Continue to Inhale Peace and Exhale
Love Forevernow…
Just Living
Forever
Now
This
Way
As Vampires
Who No Longer
Drink Blood Do too..:)
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*Speaking At 4 Years-Old
A Perfectionistic
Even When
Chaos
MaGiC Rules
Effortless in Ease..;)
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Also a film that I absolutely love and took a great of learning from during my solo years. I’ve always been an over-reacher in terms of looks too, they gotta look good on my arm no? but I let that take a back seat this time, the slow burn has had its benefits.
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P.s loving your blog as much as ever. Please keep coming back!
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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My husbands favorite words for me when I’m struggling are, “tough times don’t last, tough people do.” And of course I wanted to do an appropriate amount of damage to his being every time. Which seems fair. The thing is I’m not so tough and time is sort of a bitch. The struggle is real and wine is the answer, 💕C
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It sounds like you’re going round in circles….
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Aren’t we all
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That’s a good point…
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Neem eens wat tijd voor jezelf in plaats van je keer op keer in een relatie te storten of fuckboys te doen. En overweeg hulp, want je komt behoorlijk labiel en beschadigd over.
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Och gut. Het is wat.
Zal ik doen – als jij overweegt het ‘reageer’ knopje met rust te laten zodat ik dit soort geneuzel niet hoef te lezen 🤷♀️
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Ik weet het, de waarheid is hard. Maar diep van binnen weet je dat je mentaal fucked up bent. Je kan leuk schrijven, maar je bent ongelukkig, hebt waarschijnlijk een trauma omdat je ouders niet van je houden en vult dat gat met schrijfsels, keihard werken en random dudes neuken. Gelukkig ga je er niet van worden.
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Ik zal mezelf vanavond in slaap huilen in de wetenschap dat ik niet zo’n fulfilling leven heb als jij, de dappere keyboard warrior, die ongevraagd en ineffectief denkt arme gebroken meisjes te moeten fixen in alle vrije tijd die overblijft als je grondig niet in de categorie neukbare dudes valt 👏👌
Zo hebben we allemaal duidelijk onze mankementen. Ik prefereer alleen de mijne boven de jouwe any day of the week 🤣😇
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Hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
You want the truth? Oh nee wacht even check Kübler-Ross, misschien heb je daar wat aan. Of schrijf nog een leuk stukje en probeer energie te halen uit de mensen die voor je staan te cheerleaden.
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Deal. Dat loopt allicht beter af voor onzer beider humeuren 👌🤭
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Opperbest humeur hier. Schat in dat je absoluut niet tegen kritiek kan, behalve dan je eigen vorm van kritiek. En natuurlijk lekker kritiek op andere geven, ben ik zelf overigens ook dol op!
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Uiteraard. Ik ben immers labiel en beschadigd. Dat je überhaupt kritiek durft te uiten joh. Wie weet wat ik mezelf aandoe als arme kwetsbare ziel 🤯
Maar gelukkig is ongefundeerd online psycholoogje spelen meer jouw talent dan het mijne.
Maar ik gok dat je mijn kritiek op de kwaliteit van jouw kritiek net zo makkelijk terzijde legt als ik de jouwe. Dus dan vermaken we ons beiden opperbest in een compleet nutteloze discussie over niet bestaande problemen.
Yay. Classic schoolbook internetting!
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Old school trolling op zijn best!
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Just Dropping By Here Now to Say
Hi And Hey i Miss Your Writing Zoe…
Seems Like the Audience Will Get
Kinda Tough Now and Then too…
Yet It’s True Anonymous Living
Internet Dead No Face Fly By
Folks Have
Told me
i Should
Go Kill my Self
For Writing Different
Than One Side of the
Page to the Other Don’t
Let the Sharks in the Tank
Bring Ya Down You Are Creative
That’s A Gift Not Every one Enjoys in Life…
Write Some
Poetry
Pain
Brings
The Best
Out of Us in Art
Some Days With SMiLes..:)
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Miss you, hoping all is well! Sending love, C
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This sounds like my life in a nutshell…tssk tssk
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That is a very good rom com. I hope you are ok. You are not alone in feeling what you feel. The truth is….many, many couples cheat. Many couples are unhappy. We have to be happy with ourselves and find our own company entertaining and at the very least – peaceful. There is nothing wrong with being single. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship. It’s your life.
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