Yesterday was pizzaday. Except for the fact that we drove aaaaall the way to the pizza place – only to find that they were closed. Vacation. How dare they plan THEIR vacation in MY vacation. Bastards.
No harm no foul though (except for my mood) – because instead of pizza we drove to the McDonald’s. And I still have that childlike enthusiasm that pops up everyone someone mentions those two words to me.
Whether it was the birthday dinners as a kid. The late night sundaes in high school. Or the 5-times-a-week meals when I actually worked there for 2.5 years or ANY McMeal after. I love McDonald’s (and, as often mentioned round here, any other fastfood really).
So off we went to ‘de McDrek’ (McFilthy as it is often jokingly called round here for it’s not too healthy range of foods). And after an epic battle with the sliding doors (we lost and took the wrong way in because THEY WOULDN’T OPEN) and surviving the massive brain damaged and not-a-safe-distance-clue-having crowd (HOW LONG can you take in ordering a meal and HOW CLOSE do you think you can stand before I punch your lights out?!) we managed to get us some food to nom.
So we sat outside – enjoying our Mountain of Calories and pondered out loud how any trip to any restaurant, theme park or movie theatre is a safe reminder of how I really really really still don’t even remotely ever ever want to have any kids. McDonald’s kids are THE WORST. They’re loud. Rude. Always running AND falling and then obviously crying and their parents just sit their with their dead eyes and slouched shoulders and general ‘I’ve given up’ attitudes. Yikes!
Luckily – at some point most of the kids evaporated and we had the much more fun view of a bunch of rowdy sparrows living it up at the Mac. These little boys were so fat and plump – you wouldn’t believe it. And cheeky!
They flittered onto tables and under feet and they were PICKY. Because they could afford to be. Remainders of french fries were total winners, but the last remaining tomato-ketchupped-bit-of-onion from a quarterpounder was a nono. I thought it was hilarious. They had picked an awesome residence with an all-you-can-eat buffet all day every day.
So then I thought ‘why the fuck don’t more sparrows do this’. Why toil away in gardens for a little ball of fat with seeds and worms while you can live in fastfood walhalla?
And then the word Walhalla caused me to think about the show Vikings and Floki and how those weirdos ALSO chose to live and love a whole bunch of freezing cold and pretty much uninhabitable lands and kept fighting to make lives there instead of luscious England or France and I was boggled even more.
Which obviously led me to thinking about our current world. Where we STILL have people living in reaches of the land where there is nothing. Will never be anything. Can never be anything. And still find happiness there.
Strange – how McDonald’s sparrows just reflect the way of the world. Not everyone chooses that all-you-can-eat buffet even if they can. And some just don’t get the choice cause the territory is already taken by fat plump sparrows who can win any fight for food.
It just made me very happy once more…to be a McSparrow myself in my gorgeous fiest world country where my biggest problem of the day was the pizza place being closed.