Happy Easter – muahahaha!

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d be sure to paint some of the eggs a gruesome red, dripping with blood. Just to scare the naughty kids.

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d hide some normal eggs between the chocolate, so that an innocent chomp turns into a mouthful of yolk.

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d be sure to hide a chocolate egg deep under a bush behind a chocolate egg that is barely hidden in it. They’ll never expect a double find!

If I were an Easter Bunny, best bring a stepladder. Birds nests would totally be a legit hiding spot.

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d leave all kinds of prints leading to all kinds of locations, where no eggs would be hidden. And hide the prints to where they were. Let chaos ensue.

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d leave a banner with a basket of eggs. Saying ‘Hiding eggs is unpaid labor! Stop animal cruelty!’

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d be sure to leave a couple of rabbit’s feet scattered across the yard. Actual. Rabbit. Feet. Feeling lucky now, punk?

If I were an Easter Bunny, I’d hide those eggs in the warmest spots I could possibly find. Not a fast searcher? Free puddle of chocolate, there ya go!

Oh man. I think it’s a really good good thing I’m not an Easter Bunny. I’d be an Easter Terror – like the killer rabbit in Monty Python