Knowing that you don’t know!

When things get really busy at work – I start noticing that I’m doing (even) more work than I’m usually doing by the amount of worrying and procrastinating that finds its way into my day. I wouldn’t yet call it stress, but it’s definitely something resembling the makings of it, I suppose.

I’ll suddenly find myself doing my taxes (only to find out I’m not even required to this year), because I don’t feel like doing the 500 things I should actually be doing on my list. It’s a Spongebob thing, as I once explained.

Even worse, however, is when the worrying starts. Because the more things that I SHOULD be doing and SHOULDN’T be forgetting. And the more things I have that I need to keep track of, or be knowledgeable about…the more I realize how much things I DON’T yet know. Crucial things. Things I suddenly can’t live without knowing anymore. Which leads to ever more procrastinating.

Like how the hell I would respond if my toilet suddenly started overflowing. I wouldn’t even know how to turn off the main water thingy. Or where to find the damn thing. Or how to deal with the aftermath. Or who to call.
Or I’ll see myself pondering why I would ever dare to buy mushroom mixes in the supermarket. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to discern a poisonous variety from the edible ones. Not that I eat mushrooms. But seriously – it’s a lot of good faith, purchasing those!
And have you ever figured out why, as a kid, you used to be so great at eating ALL of the trash foods you’d want without gaining all of the weight and all of the tummy aches – and these days…even thinking about drinking an energy drink makes you gain three pounds and horrible acne?

Secrets of life man. Secrets of life. And all much more important than the question of ‘how am I ever going to get all of this work done?’ imho.

Today I found myself wondering about the incapability that we (or, at least I) have to actually quantify how much one loves someone else. Brought about by me jokingly responding ‘I love you more’ to an ‘I love you’. Only to realize that I wouldn’t be able to ever prove that, even if it WERE true. Cause there’s no way of actually stating something like that with surety, right?

I say ‘I love you’ all the time. To friends, my nana, to loverboy these days. The words don’t come that hard once I’ve figured out that loving them is a thing. But how much do I love them? And is that enough? What’s the currency we could and/or should calculate love in? It’s really just a containerterm for something that I can’t quite put my finger on, and on busy days like this, that suddenly bothers me. Go figure.

I love you like a fat kid loves cake. Sure. But HOW MUCH IS THAT THEN?
Phrases like that, when considered, are pretty much equally empty as the amount we might love someone. I love you loads. Loads of what? How many? What does it mean? I love you deeply….
Really? How deep? And deep into what? Huh? It just sounds perverse when you think about it. I love you to the moon and back. But is that a lot? How far are we with intergalactic travel in this phrasing? Surely to the moon and back isn’t very impressive if we’re actually promoting Mars as a tourist attraction within a couple of years, right?

Now. I guess I know that it doesn’t matter HOW MUCH you love someone, because love in itself is already a goal, and true, and pure and shouldn’t HAVE to be quantified. But it just annoys the hell out of me that I CAN’T. Not because I want to, but because I couldn’t even if I did. There’s just no way of accurately measuring something as elusive, yet natural as love. Freakydeaky.

Something I’ll never figure out, I’m guessing.
Much like I’ll probably never know for sure why milk from a mug tastes infinitely better than milk drank from a glass, while cola drank from a glass tastes ever so different than when drinking it from a can. And why drinking anything from a paper straw sucks SO MUCH more than drinking from plastic ones, regardless of how bad it is for the environment. Is that purely psychological, or is that actually a taste thing?!

And how much do I love drinking any of those things?
I DON’T FUCKING HAVE THE WORDS OR EXPLANATIONS!
And I should be working.
Damn you brain.