Sleepy sleepy

Last night was a broken night. One where you wake up more tired than you were when you headed to bed, and where you find yourself already counting the hours before you can go to bed without being labeled a lunatic. As someone that’s always had a rough time with the whole sleeping thing (even though it’s definitely one of my favorite passtimes), that had me thinking on sleeping patterns. Or the lack-of-sleeping patterns, more like it.

Looking at my nights – it’s pretty easy to distinguish the factors where it can go wrong when it comes to getting snoozy. NOT sleeping is surprisingly easily achieved. They’re pretty obvious reasons like the room being too hot or too cold. Or my nose being too stuffy. Pillows missing or not adequate. Alcohol.  The wrong blanket.

But there’s also different sorts of things that require more serious attention like (new) partners in the bed (and the added excessive panic I always have for potentially snoring or talking in my sleep or doing other weird shit, which I KNOW I do but don’t wanna embarass myself with). Or sounds in the house/neighborhood. Too much darkness or open doors (can’t deal with those). Or deadly backpains. The list is seemingly endless and it’s a godgiven miracle that I ever sleep at all, looking at this.

Overall – when I look to my sleepstyles, I can easily make out four. Two of which make a girl sad for even attempting the sleep at all. That time would’ve been better spent doing pretty much anything else. Two of which lead to the awesome-sleeps and good days.

But when you do get a good night’s rest? God, that’s amazing. Your entire day is more shiny, brighter. Easier. You’re more productive, deal with complex shit better, are up for anything and anyone and just. Rock the world. Great nights make for great days. Sucky nights? Not so much.

So when it comes to the nights I sleep? This is how I go about it:

Alert sleeping:
This. Is. The. Worst (outside from complete non-sleep, obviously. But they usually go hand in hand).
They’re nightmare nights, where the little sleep you do get it haunted by dark images and gruesome scenario’s. Nights where you don’t feel safe in the place you’re in. Where every sound gets through to your drowsy brain and you keep shooting up for anything out of the ordinary. You know the types of nights, where you’re on your back in bed and just…listen…for…anything. A bit panty. Uncomfortable. Scaredy.
Or the nights where you’re in pain. Sick. Incapacitated to even do something as simple as sleep. Where you’re more likely to fall asleep sitting upright in front of the tv, than you are in bed.
This was me for a large part of the past 5 months, learning to sleep alone again (not my forte). Yikes. Hate it.

Neutral sleeping:
When I stay over at friends, or have friends stay over at my place – or when I’m particularly tired (or drunk) this becomes an option. Slumber party style!
Just hitting the pillow, twisting and turning like a puppy finding the best spot, lie there listening to the sounds of the world a while and then doze of into a normal sleep. Maybe get up once or twice but you know, wake up rested. Have enough of the first category of nights, and even a single one of these can seem a gift from the gods.

Safe sleeping:
This was when I knew I was ‘ready’ to venture out into the world again, last month. When I’m fully at easy in my own home (or sleeping at your grandmothers safe nest or passed out in a sea of fluffy blankets in a fancy hotel) I can find bliss in safe sleeping. The sounds around me have become so familiar that they no longer weigh on me. The surroundings are perfected for delicious snoozing. The knowledge exists that nothing is going to happen anytime soon and all you have to focus on is getting your snooze on. When you feel safe in the world, even when you’re alone. They’re awesome recharger nights. And I’ve been having more and more of these lately. Much yay. But then starts the longing for the bestest of the four categories.

Protected sleeping:
There’s nothing quite as exquisite as falling asleep in the arms of the person you love. Those moments where you curl yourself against the warm and strong body in your bed and know that you’re safe with someone who feels for you what you feel for them. Nights where the world falls away in the synchronized breaths both of you take. Where the numbness of an arm is far outweighed by the perfection of the spoonerisation. Togethernights. Sleeping with someone who makes you feel whole and protected. Complete. The. Best. Types. Of. Nights. Especially when you also get to start the morning knowing that they’re going to be there. Oh man. Fucking awesome.

Man. Even just writing down that last one reminds me how much I need that in my life again. Even though it’s probably going to take a whole bunch of the ‘broken’ nights, because ‘breaking in’ a new bedpartner always also ensures a few awkward nights with godawful sleep. Weird, how that works.

Especially if you’re a monster in bed like myself (elbows, knees and random slappage included on top of the mumbling and snores). But, if they’re the right kind of person and end up bringing about that number four type of sleep? Bliss. Just pure awesomeness. I’m looking forward to having that again. Or well. Lets be honest. I’m just looking forward to (safe) sleep right now. Period.