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Tinder Tales – A case of the Roy

It turns out I’m a total name-ist when it comes to dating, hahaha. Or at least, when it comes to my current Tinder-swiping behaviors. When asked to describe my (physical) taste in men I usually fall back on the silly description ‘a boyish, slender, boy-next-door type, you know, Shawn Mendes-ish-y with great hair’. Too specific? Probably. Too unrealistic? Definitely. Still my taste? Yup.

Which, as it turns out, makes me a picky-as-fuck swiper. Because in my head, apparently, a ‘boy-next-door’ is also a dark-haired and pretty-as-fuck dude. And I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed or not, but we Dutch folk are often perceived as a fair-haired and blue-eyed populace (my black hair, dark eyes and soul being the exception to the rule). With a surprising amount of ginger men finding their way on the app as well (although, I suppose, that might have something to do with the recessive attractiveness of red hair, muahaha). But that kind of implies that my ‘usual’ selection is in scarce supply. What’s with all the damn blondes, yo. I can’t pull off that color 😉.

Not that I have anything to complain about in regards to matches to be fair. I’m doing well enough in my Tinder-collecting, I think. And I haven’t even been drunk-swiping, which makes this a total achievement! Since installing it on the 3rd – about 75 matches have made their way into my current app-record (not counting the douchebags who messaged and got deleted already).

The totals are now showing a very interesting conclusion: Outside of the obvious physical type – I also seem to go for a certain type of names. Aka. ‘Typical’ Dutch names. My body-count reflects this notion as well. The names on my list are pretty much similar to the below collection as well. Haha. At least I’m consistent!

So now my feed is full of Tim’s. Erik’s. Mark’s. And Rob’s. There’s a couple of Kevin’s, Niels’s and Wouter’s. Three Max’s and Michael’s. Plus (the instigator for this post) – I’m currently actively engaged in actual chats with 4 (!!!) Roy’s. Can you even imagine?

My Tinder bleeps – ‘new message from Roy’. And my brain instantly goes ‘OMG WHICH ONE?!?!?!’. Because of the four, I’m more or less enthusiastic about only 2, haha!
Not to mention: it’s fucking complex to keep track of which Roy I told what, when and how. I hate being one of those people who repeats questions or seems uninterested. Tough as balls!

The thing is – since I’ve noticed this, I’ve been paying more attention to my swiping and yup: I’m a name-ist. My attention-span when it comes to scanning a Tinder profile goes like this:
– Pictures
– Bio
– Name (when in doubt on picturesque-attractiveness, this one apparently decides)
– Interests
Names. Say. A. Lot. In my brain, anyway. Semi-attractive dude with an uninteresting bio named D’shawn? Swipe left. I can’t see myself dating a D’shawn. Doesn’t fit the ‘boy-next-door’ criteria. Floor? That’s a girls name, what the hell. No can do. And apparently I’m such a spelling-nazi that I literally get turned off at all those (purposely) ‘wrong’-spelled names. Gorg? Fuck you. Your name is George. Your parents need to learn how to spell. Glen? Where’s your second N mister? Maikel? Seriously? What’s wrong with Michael. Uniqueness is not always the ultimate goal, although parents obviously did not get that memo (to be fair – my own name is horrendous as well in that regard). But still. Names can be really important in the decisionmaking process, not to mention the people who can’t even bother to put down their actual name. No ‘Realman’, I’m definitely not interested.

On the whole though, this attitude to weighing matches on something as petty as a name in for determining a love-connection? Well – what does that make me? A bit a lot very much extremely totally shallow, I feel. Fitting for Tinder, I’d say. Not that I’m planning on changing that attitude anyway.

I think it’s a side-effect of my not really being in a rush, selecting on full-package-deal-possibilities instead of quick potential. Were I to actually be looking to score an instant date, names would weigh in less heavily, I’m thinking. But as it stands? I’m saying statistics are pointing to my next conquest being a Roy. Cause I’m a total name-ist.

30 thoughts on “Tinder Tales – A case of the Roy

  1. I guess im the same with names, in the past i could never date a woman whose name i couldn’t spell easily lol so i have dated kim, bev, caz, liz, lol maybe its a three letter name im more obsessed with, but my last girlfriend was named Emily which she did shorten to ems, OMG right lol but on saying that the love of my life was my very first girlfriend named tara , anyways best of luck with your dating journey my lovely blog friend ❤

    Liked by 3 people

  2. I actually googled ‘Floor’ meaning in Dutch to understand why someone would name their child that. 😛

    But I can so relate with you. There are some names in my head that only suit middle-aged men – I just can’t date a man with such a name! I’m also more likely to swipe right on men with the same name as my childhood crushes! 😀 😀

    Liked by 3 people

  3. This probably applies more to American girls than Dutch guys, but I think I’m particularly turned off by what I call Frankenstein names, where you just chop up existing names and take one syllable from one name and another syllable from another name and stitch them together. I guess that is one reason I’m glad to be as old as I am, because most of the girls out there named Ashlyn, Tylie, Adrielle, and Kyler are way too young to be on my dating radar. (I don’t consider your hyphenated name to be one of these, because it is two separate names, not parts of two names.)

    I did, however, date someone with one of the above names briefly, and it didn’t go well, although that had more to do with the fact that she dumped me out of nowhere on Valentine’s Day than the fact that she has a stupid name.

    I have a friend named Erinn. She must have found Glen’s other N and attached it to her name somehow.

    I’ve always thought of Roy as more of an old man name. I believe I’ve only ever met one Roy born after 1960.

    And boy names of the generation after me are even worse. All the Ashlyns, Tylies, Adrielles, and Kylers are going to grow up to marry boys named Jayden, Cash, Bryson, and Hudson. Good. They deserve each other.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. More thoughts… I feel bad for saying this now, though, because one of the nicest people I’ve met here on WordPress has a Frankenstein name. I don’t remember if she follows you, you don’t really seem like each other’s types, but I have a lot of overlapping contacts on here… anyway, I would never in real life be mean to people because of their names, or anything like that. If that person does read this, please know that I don’t intend to make you feel bad about your name, I think you’re pretty awesome, and I didn’t use your specific name in my comment for that reason. (This person I’m thinking of, though, she is too young to be a romantic partner for me, so this isn’t relevant in the context of your discussion about Tinder.)

      I knew someone else once with a Frankenstein name who was very interested in me, and one of her turnoffs from my perspective was that she gave her kids stupid names; one was a word that wasn’t even a name and the other was one of those last names that turned into a first name because there was a character on a popular TV show that had that first name. But, really, the main reason I was turned off was because she was, let’s just say, irresponsible with her behavior around men; these two kids had two different dads, one of whom she was never in a long-term relationship with, and after she stopped trying to go after me, she had another kid by another man, married that guy, then cheated on him and was married again in less than a year, so yeah, I dodged a bullet.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Cute post! I’m with you on the name thing. It drives me nuts to see names spelled differently in an attempt to be clever. And I really can’t stand seeing my name “Rhonda” spelled as “Ronda”. It’s just wrong!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So… having never used Tinder… can you unswipe if you make a mistake? Say you’re flicking through a hundred potential suitors, and you go past somebody interesting – can you go back ?


  6. I was wondering who was the person Netherlands that came across my blog, but in reading this I realized it was you. Thank you very much for reading it! You made my morning.

    Also I am thoroughly enjoying your blog posts, so I hope you will not the mind the alerts saying I liked your blogs.

    Liked by 1 person

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