Weakness

Now that I’ve made it through the first two seasons of Arrow – I can safely say: This is going to be a tough as fuck resolution to keep, watching the entirety of its 8 seasons. I am definitely a Marvel humor and swag girl over the death and drama of the DC universe. But damn – there’s still lessons to be learned in it, regardless (although honestly, as proven in yesterdays blog – Glee is way more wise in offering life lessons than DC).

The one take-away from Arrow though?
Love is weakness. Or it isn’t. Or is it? It is what makes you strongest. Gives you something to fight for. Or weakest. Offers something to be used against you. Or all of the above. Something to be strived for. Kept. Avoided and broken.

Shit. Wait. They can’t seem to make up their mind. Each episode shows poor Ollie switching between each of the convictions. Pushing and pulling on his plethora of love-interests (and never banging any of ’em). He just can’t make a choice. And hell, neither can I. But hey, don’t they always say the best things in life are hard? Suppose love tops the list.

But now that the doors on 2020 are firmly closed – and the horrors and dramas (and the people causing them) safely hidden behind shut doors (and other blocks) I am feeling on the fence, as well. Damn you television and your influence over my personal life! (Still doesn’t mean videogames cause violence though, ya’ll weirdos that say that)

Anyway. I swore to end 2020 all by my lonesome. Worked hard on moving on before moving forward, just like he so easily did. Chipped out parts that I thought I needed and replaced parts I think were holding me back. Created a new me out of the rubble of my old tower. And I found rest and peace in the company of yours truly. I’m a great partner-in-crime to myself, it turns out. And now that my playlist is slowly changing from heartbreak-country to power-pop I’m seeing light on the horizon.

Because I’ve been rebuilding my walls. They’re somehow sort of securely back in place. I think. I’ve been installing the new locks on a heart once stolen and the shiny laserbeam-alarm system would even hold Tom Cruise out on one of his impossible missions. I hope.

So this is the moment where that fork in the road comes up again. Left for lonely, right for romance? The Dutch have a saying that applies to loving things passionately. When you’re really really into something – you say ‘Ik heb een zwak voor…‘. Which translates to ‘I have a weakness for…’ and amplifies my confuzzled feelings about teh luvvings. This saying alone underlines how loving something makes you weak. Sets you up for pain. Undermines your strength. Just like poor Arrow and his constant fight between ‘to booty or not to booty‘. Because if loving something makes you soft – why would you, right?

But then I realized…
A house, even with the prettiest of walls and securest locks, isn’t really a home without a soft and comfy bed. A bouncy couch with fluffy pillows. A shag carpet to bury your toes in. People-sized towels to wrap yourself in after a hot shower and a blanky to keep you warm while watching all of the Netflix.

What I guess I’m saying is that:
‘Ik heb een zwak voor zwakte. Eh…liefde.’
‘I have a weakness for weakness. Eh…love.’
And I’m thinking I’ma find out if 2021 has any in store for me. It’s time for some interior decorating, methinks.