Empty at 2021

The blogosphere has exploded!
The entirety of my feed is filled with ‘Goodbye 2020‘s, recaps, ‘New Year New Me’ resolutions and forecasts, terrible ‘21 blog posts ideas for 2021‘ (none of which actually sounds like viable ideas) posts and people wishing the whole world well. It’s madness. And I like it. And I kinda hate it at the same time. I think it’s my inner Grinch playin’ up. I can’t handle this much cheeriness in my life.

But to say the world is relieved to say BUHBYE to 2020 is an understatement. And I must admit – I feel the fucking same. Striking it from the world-records entirely would not be a bad thing in my book.

I myself just got home from a delightful NYE spent with a couple of friends, with ALL the food, ALL the oliebollen and appelbeignets (which are obviously food, but deserve special mention because they were delicious), ALL of the Nutellamisu (because I MADE that from scratch ON REQUEST because people LIKED it!), ALL of the booze and ALL of the laughter (we had a cabaretfilled-evening with Jochem Myer, Guido Weijers and Youp van ‘t Hek who talked us through the drama-that-was-2020 and made sure we laughed away the memory).
ALL of the hangover as well this morning, and the humongous gourmet-baby in my belly. But that’s a worthy sacrifice for starting the New Year off on a winning notion: in great company, doing fun things.

What surprised me most (outside of the fact that I consented to spending the night with actual people instead of alone, now that I had no partner to please with my attendance at a party of their choosing and COULD have easily spent it hermitting my ass off) was my mental state as soon as the clock struck 12.

My head was deliciously empty.
It hardly ever is. But this one particular night? It was.
It. Was. Awesome.

Where I’d feel my head explode in previous years with nostalgically reminiscing on the year past – this time I didn’t. It was a year that did not deserve the look-back and most of it I’d love to delete from memory. So there were no slightly sad teary-eyed moments. No wishfully thinking back to times I’d never get back. No recollecting great memories I’d wanna revisit. None of that. Good riddance all around.

Plus – where I’d previously often feel my head spin with the potential of a new year, fantasizing about all the things I’d want the next 365 t0 bring me – this year I had none of the typical ‘how will I fly into this blank canvas before me‘ flurries of plans. No fleeting thoughts of ‘I hope we stay together for another year‘ or pained fears of what I might lose or gain in the year to come. After all – I had all of my resolutions done and dealt with already. The line-up was clear and the future is brighter than ever.

So with the past buried and the future pinned – all that remained for me to do yesterday at the strike of midnight was enjoy. Enjoy the company. Enjoy the fireworks (because obviously the nationwide-ban on fireworks meant that there was A LOT of fireworks in my friends tiny town). Enjoy the crisp air and enjoy drawing shiny penises in the dark night sky with my sparkler, because growing up is overrated.

And enjoy – I did.
The night was all I ever needed a NYE to be.

I stood and breathed the new year in deep (with an additional boatload of firework-residue-smog).
I counted my blessings. And they were many.
I counted my joys. And they were plenty.
I counted my friends. And though they are a rare and special breed – they’re true and loyal and worth a fortune.
I counted my possibilities. And they were endless.

And as we moved back inside to binge on some more champagne, serrano-ham and ALL OF THE FRIED GOODS – life was good. Especially when we tuned in to a recap of ‘De Foute Party’ with performances by (grown-up) Five, and Chipz and Rednex with Cotton Eyed Joe. That music just brings my soul happiness to the depths of the charred remains of my heart and sanity. You should have seen my excellent rendition of 1001 Arabian Nights by the way. It should get an award.

But on the whole – all I can say is: if this NYE forebodes all that 2021 holds in store…
Bring it the fuck on!
I’m ready.

And I hope everyone reading this feels the same way, or will pick up that feeling along the way when the memory of disastrous 2020 fades away. Happy 2021 everyone!