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Popular Girl Brain

Tricky topic today!
One I actually doubted to post about, even, for a while. Just because, yaknow. Tricky.
Mostly because I like to be seen as a nice person, even though I’m quite aware of my (many) flaws and the fact that I am, in fact, not really that nice of a person (I always strongly identify with the grumpy old grinches in all of those sitcoms like The ranch (Beau Bennett! <3) or Red in That 70’s show or Al Bundy in well…Modern Family 😉 ).

But also because if I don’t post it, this is something that no one will know about me, so why do it, right? Well: as I sat here pondering I figured I might as well take the advice I often give other people: ‘just be yourself, that’s all you can do, and the rest will come to pass‘.

Anyway – as I was scrolling my Facebook feed the other day, I came across a post from an old friend of mine. And it was at this moment that something I like to call ‘my Popular Girl Brain‘ kicked in. Involuntarily, I might add. But this time – I felt in happen. And intervened (as I usually do, when I feel it happen).

You see, this old friend just happens to be a drop dead gorgeous and inspiring role-model of a woman. A decade older than I am but better looking than most 20-year old models (if ya ask me). Doing her job and hobbies with passion AND skill and talent and a whole list of other qualities that make her one of the awesomest people I may have ever met in real life. She’s like one of those TED talks inspirational folk – but she ACTUALLY exists in my world. She’s who I wanna be when I grow up. And she has been (happily) married for over 10 years to someone who, as ‘my popular girl brain’ very strongly formulated: is nowhere ‘near her league‘.

Not because I met the man for more than 5 minutes and know anything about his personality, life or choices. Nope. But because he’s a head shorter than she is. Kinda pudgy and bearded. He actually DOES look his age and well….he does not fit in any of the typical ‘handsome‘ boxes. Beauty and the Beast, my mind went. And all I thought was ‘I suck‘. It’s when you think something and KNOW it’s not the correct thing to think, but think it anyway, because you’ve been so used to having to think it.

You see, the thing about ‘Popular Girl Brain‘ is that it is only capable of formulating the types of shallow, unfounded, box-y and judgmental opinions that we so often see portrayed in Mean Girls cheerleaders and the likes. Horrendously so. It makes you see the world from the societally accepted AND enforced basic-bitch views and forces you to feel a certain way about things because you have been drilled to do so from a very young age.

‘Popular Girl Brain’ jumps to conclusions on all the main topics. Classifies and generalizes on all fronts. And is basically pretty much gruesomely bigoted, misogynistic and backwards in most of its thoughts. It thinks in terms of beauty/ugly. Of hot/nerd. It divides into leagues that don’t exist anywhere in the real world but solely in the brains of other narrow-minded folk. It sees in terms of sexuality and gender and race and all of the things that may cause strife and wars. And it fucking. Sucks. It isn’t even me, either, I feel like. Because usually, as soon as those idiot-thoughts surface, I correct them to how I really feel about things. To how I think the entire world should feel about things. I instantly flick my narrow-minded switch to open-minded. But I DID start out from narrow.

I have been reflecting on this for a great deal – and have started to view it as something that I do that resides in the realm of what is called ‘masking‘. Not because I am a medical expert of psychologist or have any knowledge in the area whatsoever outside of my awesome Google skills. Not because I’m (diagnosed to be) on the autistic spectrum or think that it’s the same thing – but because there’s certain similarities in behavior that makes me regard it as such.

How is that?
Because if I see myself actively portraying thoughts that are not my own, but adhere to the social constructs of a society I feel I should (and want to) be actively accepted in – BEFORE trusting and using my own instincts – that pretty much fits the entire bill and origin of masking behavior. IF, at some point in my life, I picked up these concepts and generalizations because they were what I actively saw around me and adopted them ‘as my own‘ instead of forming my own opinions and judgments from the get-go – I can call it masking for myself.

But they’re not me. They’re not who I am a person. Right?
Although it does make me wonder a lot. Am I a bad person for having the thoughts, or a good person for discarding them as wrong and stupid AFTER having them. Do my initial thoughts determine who I am as a person, or are my actual following actions and behavior what ultimately matters?

If I, for instance, see someone and my brain instantly throws them in a ‘gay‘ stereotyped box with all the prejudices and stupidity associated with that in ‘normal‘ society BEFORE I get up and get to know them as the awesome new bff of my other horde of awesome friends who should fit that box but don’t because they’re actual people and not stereotypes – WHO AM I then. Am I that ‘popular girl brain‘ and thus a despicable person or am I….well….whatever it is that exists outside of that?

If I think in terms of hotness leagues and must-have sixpack boys, while simultaneously discarding the notion that ‘leagues‘ even exists at all because people should love who they love regardless of….anything. WHAT AM I.

If my first response is always to have the type of ‘world-accepted‘ thoughts that the rest of me views as ‘wrong‘ – which of the two wins. Who determines who I am as a person. HOW does this work?

28 thoughts on “Popular Girl Brain

  1. I think you are an actual person, like those other awesome people you really like, and don’t have to play on the good person/bad person see-saw. A person with a growing, adapting mind … very thought provoking, interesting article, thanks for posting.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Popular girl brain lol thats interesting lol any imperfections you may or may not have can be seen as perfections in the eyes of someone who loves you, in my eyes all women are beautiful, but then that could just be my single life clouding my judgement lol to be honest with someone is much better than being fake and only say what you think people want to hear, so be yourself my lovely blog friend and enjoy the holidays, hopefully next year will be a better one , best wishes to you ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think both sides are you at the end of the day (although to what level is probably dependent on the person). To other people, unless you share your popular girl brain’s thoughts, they’ll only be privy to what you say and do. And that may mostly be the thoughts and beliefs you have outside of your popular girl brain. However, from your point of view, you experience both parts. And there’s no stopping that. And since both sides will continue to do their thing, it’s probably best to ignore analyzing which is the “real” you. You’ll probably never find the perfect answer, since both sides are needed to make you who you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s been my experience and belief that you get what you think. If you think something is going to be shitty, its usually is. I wouldnt be so bold as to comment on “Popular girl brain” I spent my teens and 20’s in that endeavor to mixed results. What I can say now in my 50’s is self awareness of faults is usually a doorway to wisdom, go ahead, step through.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You’re being too hard on yourself. I think snap judgments like the are part of human nature. As long as you find a way to stick around and delve deeper – and I’m sure you do – it’s all good.


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  7. Oh man, this made me realize I have big-time popular girl brain haha. I think it’s great that you have so much self-awareness though! I would be surprised if there was a person on earth who didn’t have thoughts like this from time to time. The fact that you’re taking the time to look at them critically and through a lens of wanting to be a more empathetic person says a lot more about you than any of those initial thoughts.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I think most people think like that. I used too but I found as I got older, I really SEE people you know? Not what they look like but for who they actually are. I think society is to blame for the most part…………it trains us to think a certain way.


  9. Very cleaver and enjoyable post.

    Inner mean girl can be a nasty piece of work. I found that she talks loudly to mask something inside of her host that she does not wanted noticed. But once you, the host, start to notice and question and learn, she chills out. She never completely leaves, but she does relax.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You know you are worth so much more than that but you just don’t have a framework for it – trust me this is as it should be so that an amazing connection can knock you off your feet and shatter everything you think you know.
    I see you – super intelligent, beautiful and dreaming of more – it will happen and it’s going to happen soon. You are in no way comparable to a basic girl
    So hold on tight.
    You’re not that girl or that girl over there, you are special. Forget about the blah blah blah and get ready for the brouhaha x


  11. I don’t know how this works really, but who you are is I think a deep thing and our brains are made up of layers if different primitive creatures to make what we see today. So what you’ve likely to have is the lizard or monkey brain bit becoming a bit too loud lol… I think we all suffer from a similar thing a bit.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. There are good evolutionary reasons why humans jump to conclusions in all sorts of situations – it reduces cognitive load, and allows your brain to get on with important things like spotting the bear about to eat you. But being able to slow down and question your thoughts is also important, so you don’t make too many false assumptions. It’s normal to start with a quick stereotype based assumption, so don’t sweat it. Kahneman “Thinking Fast and Slow” is a good read I you do want to learn about the psychology of it. But basically, if you were a mean girl, you wouldn’t have had the second thoughts. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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