The past few years I was a firm and committed member of the club of people vowing to ‘only make the resolution to make no New Years Resolutions, cause nobody fucking ever keeps ’em anyway‘. No month-of-January-only gym-memberships that then resulted in a year of (as I like to call it) paying ‘fat-tax‘ for being too lazy to go to the gym but having to pay for it anyway. No life altering pattern-changers like ‘no constant swearing‘ or silly things like ‘being kind to random strangers‘.
But after the 2020 we’ve had – I have decided to do it differently come 2021. I’m going to make ALL of the resolutions. The list of lists of resolutions. I’m going to build a steady foundation to a healthy life on all of the important pillars of ambition and be the happiest-in-theory-2021-inhabitant around. I’m going to revolutionize making resolutions. RESOLUTIONIZE it.
And then probably fail every single one before the year ends, but nobody is going to care anyway, so why the hell not! Because honestly: do we really have anything better to do these days than work on improving ourselves while the rest of the world is in shambles? Nope. Didn’t think so. So what’s your excuse?
Here goes. All of the classics and some new ones all squished together!
(and, as I’m a list-loving bastard – they’re conveniently categorized for your reading pleasure and my slight OCD tendencies!)
WORK-O-LUTIONS:
- Land (at least) 5 >10m. deals successfully.
- Get three additional certificates on relevant topics OR
- Follow six non-certificate-yielding relevant work courses.
- Do whatever is necessary (and actively check this with management) to get the needed functional grade for the 175% bonus in 2022.
- Wear a costume in a Teams-call on Carnaval. And Christmas. And possibly Easter (I’d totally look awesome in bunny ears).
- Donate the 2021 Christmas package to charity.
- Don’t get a burnout. Or fired. Or in a fight with colleagues for no other reasons than them sucking (luckily, so far, all of them are pretty damn awesome).
- Start writing a book. Or collect blogs to add into a column-bundle. Or do something anything whateverything to get published work in book-form out into the world.
Yes. Erotica counts. Totally. Get yourself hired at Harlequin or summin’
BLOG-O-LUTIONS:
- Keep. Blogging. In. 2021. (as in: the entire year!)
- Write (at least) 200 posts
(without bitching out and starting those horrendous ‘5 ways to’ or ‘my top 10 of’ puke-posts – and without participating in all the shoulderpatting ‘blogawards’ showers) - Find a way to ALSO make sure old content gets some luvvin’ every now and then.
- Get to 5.000 followers. Yes. Really. Gotta be ambitious, right?
- Get to 500 unique visitors in 1 day at least once.
- Make a person laugh hysterically with a post. Or cry. Either works.
- Do a monthly Resolutionized-update so I don’t ‘forget‘ that I’m supposed to be doing this.
DATE-O-LUTIONS:
- Fuck dating altogether for the entire year and take a Zoë-year OR
- Do NOT ‘date’ any of the old-stale-already-done-douchebags EVER again.
AND (if I do end up dating) - No beards. Seriously. Just. No negotiating – no beards.
- Stop downdating AND/OR downplaying myself just to appear acceptable and not-be-lonely.
- Stop settling for soul-crushing limitations or demands and instead go for compromise-less loving.
- Don’t opt for an imaginary boyfriend for lack of actual people potential. Pillows do not count.
- Don’t drunk-booty-call any of the old-stale-already-done-douchebags. Really. Don’t be that girl.
SOCIAL-O-LUTIONS:
- Make a new (group of) friends that DON’T all live at least an hour away.
- Spend more time with the far-away-bunch of friends.
- See actual people IN PERSON at least once a month. No hermitting.
- Write a letter to a friend telling them how much they mean to me. Try not to include swearwords too much.
- Post something non-selfie-related to Instagram every now and again.
And get more than 100 inactive followers so someone might actually even see it, as well XD - Host a dinnerparty and actually COOK.
No. Making someone else do the cooking doesn’t count. Even if you cut the onions. - Do something wine-knowledge related (a workshop, or tasting or high wine) so you’re not just downing bottles but actually know something about their contents.
- Do NOT. I repeat: do NOT install Snapchat. Or Pinterest. Ever. AND
- Do not start Tiktokking. In any way, shape or form. You’re too old Zoë. Really. You are. Resist the temptation.
LIFE-O-LUTIONS:
- No more alcohol.
Haha, I just made myself giggle. Ok. Fine. Lets make it realistic. No more alcohol during weekdays AND only when in company. - No more binge-eating.
No. Seriously. I wouldn’t even make it a week. This was obviously a joke. Cheatdays are a must. - Lose an additional 9.1 kilos to finally end up at a healthy 22.6 BMI.
- Get a ton of exercise. Or at least – a bunch. Or you know – try to go walking for an hour at least once a week.
AT LEAST DO SUMMIN, YA LAZY FUCK! - Get my account balance/savings up to that number I internally discussed.
OR at the very least: don’t keep spending fortunes on Thuisbezorgd! - Don’t start smoking. Or get 12 cats. Or take up skydiving. Or become a vegan. Seriously. Don’t.
- Actually finish watching Arrow. I know I have to. It’s on the list. I’ll get it done. Accept the suffering and finish what I started.
- Keep the Christmas tree up year round. IT’S HAPPENING! Gotta make it to August!
- Learn a new language
(or yaknow, get my Spanish up to a decent level seeing as the whole world’ll speak it at some point, apparently) - Learn how to play an instrument.
I’m just fucking kidding – I forgot how to even read notes. I’m ambitious but not THIS ambitious. Plus. I can’t keep a rhythm to save my life. - Play Zelda Breath of the Wild. Whether it’s at a friends or whether I manage to convince myself that I deserve a Switch. It must be played.
The beauty of having this EPICALLY long list of resolutions?
Statistically speaking it would be damn near impossible to fail ALL of them. So I’ll definitely have some successes to celebrate. With alcohol. But only in the weekends. Obviously.
One thing is for damn sure: 2021 is going to be a boatload better than 2020. Mostly because it would be damn near impossible to suck more than 2020 without there actually being an apocalypse. I’m SO in for it.
Now…where to start?
Oh wait. I still have a week of procrastinating to go!
Yay!
(Do feel free to share your own resolutions btw. I might be inclined to grow my list with inspired notions!)
Go Zoë Go !
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On it!
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Wow when you said you like lists you wasn’t kidding lol your the list queen, you wearing bunny ears now that would be a awesome photo to share with your blog friends lol lol drunk booty call, have you really done that in the past, yes pretty much most men are stupid, completely agree with that, my resolution would be love myself more, stop looking for my next ex wife lol theres two things for my list. I hope you have a lovely Christmas day my beautiful blog friend, very best of luck to you in the new year.
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Hahaha – if I end up going full bunny on Easter I’ll be sure to share 🥳🤪
And have I really done that?
Hell. Who hasn’t, right 🤣
C’est la vie!
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Hahah pinning all your hopes and dreams on 2021! You go, girl!
PS: What’s wrong with going vegan? :O
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Everything. 🤣
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Zoe you never stop surprising me lol best of times is yet to come in 2021, wishing everyone a happy healthy year to all of us.
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Sorry to burst your bubble, but it actually can get worse. I thought 2019 sucked, and so did a whole lot of people according to social media, and it got a LOT worse this year. So don’t make those assumptions, it is dangerous. (See my post I wrote yesterday, on exactly that topic, if you wish to. ) I’m part of the no-resolutions clan, and I think I’ll stick to it. 😉
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Haha – I think whether or not it CAN get worse is a personal thing so I’ll stick to that statement for me personally, not for the world in general (that seems to be very capable of getting to rockier rock bottoms indeed). And definitely stick to whatever clan suits ya, I’ll probs be back to that one next year XD
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😀
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I’m married to a bearded man, still very happy though😁
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Haha – if it works for you 🤪😆
They’re hot and happening for a reason 🤭
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This is amazing, you are awesome and my spirit animal lol but this is an inspiring post ! You rock 💛✌🏻
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Woopwoop!
thaaaaaanks 😀
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Loved the list, good luck with all of it.
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Haha – luck is the right word, I think XD
For most of them :X
Thanks 🙂
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As a first-time reader, you had me laughing.
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That will go on my list of successes! 😉
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🙂
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Mmm…. Bunny ears….
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What intricate lists, love it. Looking forward to hearing about your successes 😇💕
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More is better, right ;)?
Thank you!
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A funny and well written post as ever Zoe. I love your philosophy, create a huge list and you are bound to complete something. I think that could be an idea for your book.
I hope you have a Merry Christmas 🎄🎁🤗
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Haha – I don’t know if it’s a philosophy as much as it is a hope XD
We’ll see what 2021 brings, eh!
Happy Holidays!
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“Stop downdating AND/OR downplaying myself just to appear acceptable and not-be-lonely.”
THAT is my favorite of your resolutions, and one I should consider,too. Loved the list!
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I think that might even be THE most important one on there, to be frank! :O
Good taste, hope it ends up on your list of successes as well!
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I can’t make New Year’s resolutions without thinking of this song: https://youtu.be/1eOu-jVuuxo
So I never make any 👍
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Whahaha – that song is soooo bad it’s awesome XD
And I can imagine that dousing any need for making them, indeed 😉
Luckily – I made enough for an army!
Happy Holidays 😉
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SMiLes Just Recently
Establishing my
2021 New Year’s
Resolution
It Seems to
Be ‘The
Anti-Zoe’
Yes!
“This Is
Enough For me
2021” For True
In The Last
88 Months
True Always
My Way
Enough
Now Often
Arriving
At
New
Milestones
Featnotes
Of Life
Surprised
No One
Has
Ever ‘Done’
‘It’ Before
No Different
Than An 🐜 Ant
Only
Tasked
Totally
Focused
On one Grain
Of Sand With
No Use
Of Worrying
About Mounds
Past And Still to
Come Pleasantly
Surprised Home
Is Still All Around…
-Dorothy
Alice
Or
Fred
Labels
Words
Only
Dance Sings
Breathes Free Now🍃
Other Than
That
Happy
Holidays
To You With
SMiLes And
Hell
No
This
Is Not
A Christmas
Card It Breathes
It Is Not A Dead Tree!🌲
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I love how real and not at all subtle you are in your content, I think we all here come for your no filter therapy talk seshs and we deadass love it 😂✨
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Hahaha – Awesome comment this. No filter is THE perfect title for me, indeed. Glad you enjoy it!
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Good luck! I don’t usually make resolutions, I haven’t had time to think about all that yet.
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Thank you! 😀
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Reblogged this on The Reluctant Poet.
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I love this idea and may try for something like it. And thank you for not resorting to those “5 things” posts.
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I made my own mega-resolution post! https://thehermitsrest.blog/2020/12/24/why-not-resolutionize/
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This. This is awesome!
And now that I read your awesome list and approach I’m mostly regretting not making it into a blogwide challenge. Can you just imagine?
Hope you hit all of these goals!
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Ps. Alt-137 is the umlaut shortcut. Just saying
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I will let you know if I laugh at one of your posts (or cry).
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Deal!! 🥳
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I totally resonate with the pinterest thing!
I am glad I came across your blog Zoe, beautifully structured content which you can’t stop reading till the end. I doubt you left anything to add!
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Oh dear!
I do hope I still have things to add, or it’s gonna get quiet real fast around here 😉
But thank you so much for the lovely compliments!
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This content is what I needed. 🙂 can’t wait to read more
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Awesome!
So good to hear 😀
Thanks for the compliment!
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