Binge.

Today is a binge sort of day. Truthfully, I’m expected it might even be the windup for a binge sort of week (seeing as I’m off work next week and it’s the Holiday seasons so the stores are a veritable deathtrap of yummy foods that I can’t resist).

I don’t have it in me to stop myself. Do you ever have those moments? That you WANT to be good, but know that you won’t? I literally know that I will be chastising myself every step of the way, and then break all of my self-made rules anyway. Binge week.

They always say: don’t go shopping when you’re hungry. Which doesn’t really work for me since…well…I’m always hungry. So my house is stocked to the brim with enough food to last a single person three weeks – which I’m expecting to see disappeared by the end of the next. And after that probably the boatloads of regret as to the amount of sugar and carbs I’m loading into a body that I so desperately want to be (and remain) thin. Complete disconnect between wants and needs. Grmbl.

But there’s Christmas chocolates with the cute white sprinkles. ‘Kruimelvlaai’ and bunt cake. Fried goods. Chips and other assorted snacks. Blocks of cheese and chorizo. Ingredients for lasagna. And Chicken Madras. And. And. And. Granted – there IS also a salad living in that fridge but that’s mostly because I really like salads. Every now and then. As a palate cleanser for more junkfood, I suppose. Somehow the whole concept of ‘too much of a good thing will ruin it‘ has never really came through for me in the area of foods and alcohol. (God I wish it had).

Sure. I do have specific things I can’t eat or drink anymore after imbibing copious amounts to the point of getting sick. Food and drinks that were ruined by binges much like the coming week, I presume.

You know, things like Goldstrike during those tween-poker-nights. Boswandeling that one night we went clubbing and…well…it gets blurry after that. Fristi from that time I had a stomach flu and figured if I had to throw up anyway, it might as well be something sweet -> tip: it does NOT taste good the second time around -barf- and my biggest regret: white praline chocolate….that I ate SO much of cause it was my very favorite until that one time I ate a 750gram bar in one sitting and of which I now can’t even stand the smell anymore.

I’m like ‘No Face’ from Spirited away (MUST watch movie, btw). A strange spirit that just eats, and eats and eats ANYTHING put in front of it until it becomes a monster of epic proportions even though it’s a lot cuter when it doesn’t.

Add that ambition to become the worlds fullest human to my thorough plans to binge Netflix completely empty – you guys know where to find me the coming week. Becoming the ultimate couch potato. Stuffing my face while possibly crying a little for what I’m doing to myself. And loving it at the same time. And hating myself for loving it. And eating regardless of that paradoxical attitude towards myself. It’s the binge to end all binges. Holla!