Not-so-smooth Operator

Oftentimes I find myself wondering at the apparent disconnect that exists between the operating speed of my brain, and that of my body. Mostly because it annoys the fuck out of me, pretty much every day in some way or another.

One of the prime examples of my brain working faster than the rest of my body is the ‘What?’-issue.
You know, those moments where someone says something and you initially think you didn’t hear what they were saying so you reply instantly with a ‘What?’ so they repeat themselves. And while the ‘what’ is already escaping your lips – you realize that you DID register what they were saying, the message just landed slower than your reply already left the building. My hearing – slower than my brain. A LOT slower. I ‘what?’ a LOT.

But I’m much the same with a boatload of other things. I mean – if my brain had anything to say about it, I’d be a great (and possibly pro) softballplayer. I understand that game SO well. I know the plays. I can usually predict hitters and I see how pitchers are lining up for their throws. Sadly – then it comes down to my body responding and executing. Which, honestly, it sucks at.
Oftentimes it feels like I’m ‘lagging’. Probably won’t make much sense when you’re not a gamer, but it generally means that there’s a momentary lapse in your own actions, while the rest of the world continues around you.

So I’ll see a ball get hit, field the ball and quickly pop-up to throw it to first, only to realize that while my brain had already completed the fielding motion in it’s entirety – my hand hadn’t actually made it fully to the ground yet, missing the ball and popping up without it. I can’t count the times people yell at me ‘BALL FIRST’. Just because I want to be quicker than I actually am. I suck.

It’s the same with gaming as a whole. Take League of Legends for example. It’s a pretty simple game in its basics. You have an enemy and you need to kill them as many times as possible while working your way towards destroying their base. But there’s a lot of intricacies and teamplay involved and once you get to a certain level, you have to be QUICK in not just MAKING those judgments and insights, but also in the appropriate reflexes and multitasking. And while my brain can do ALL of those things without too much effort, proven when I’m watching streams and I predict/yell at the players to do something before they themselves act – I’m at the same time totally incapable of willing my hands and fingers to act with the speed of my awareness, thus being a total loser when it comes to playing myself.

It’s these moments where I KNOW what to do. Know WHEN to do it. Know HOW to do it – but then find myself physically incapable of actually doing it. Not able to will my body to react with the same speed as my brain. Friggin’ sucks.

It’s then when training starts to matter. Training on muscle memory, reflexes and hand-eye mastery requires repetition. Lots of it. And patience. Lots of it. And innate talent. Preferably. It’s not a fast process, even when your brain is. And that’s why I also fail in that regard, because I quit way faster than I respond. If I’m not instantly capable of acting at the level that my brain wants to – I give up.

The thing is – it’s easy to get arrogant about what you know when you’re quick to grasp knowledge, but it’s also easy to be a loser when you’re not quick on the actual uptake and 0 successful in actual execution. I struggle with this a lot.

Especially when people compliment me on being good at something – my first instinct is to reply that I’m actually a lot better in my brain. It doesn’t feel like I deserve the compliment because I’m not optimalizing the possible results.

And oftentimes I find myself downplaying intelligence I do have ‘because it’s only ‘booksmarts’ while I rather be practical and ‘street smart’.’.

I hold so much more respect for people who can actually do things instead of just theorize about them. So much so that I guess that any compliments at my address in that corner are also very slow to reach my brain. You can compliment me and all you get is a ‘What?’. Compliment not registered.