“En wat zoek jij op Tinder, dan?’
Translation: ‘So, what are you looking for on Tinder?’
It is THE most seen line (by me, anyway) on Tinder that tends to come up in pretty much ANY conversation I have on there (there’s quite some data available). And it vexes me to no end. Seriously. This poor sentence, strung together as it is, enrages me so much that my brain is only willing to formulate THE most irrelevant, snide, cynical or stupid replies to (what I feel is) the most obvious question ever:
- ‘Wait. This is Tinder? I thought I was on the dark web, looking for a new slave!’
That ended in an immediate unmatch, guess it was the wrong answer. - ‘Boreddom, just checking out what’s on the market’
This somehow always leads to a pouty ‘oh, so you don’t actually wanna hook up or meet someone then?!’ as if I’m committing a heinous crime, abusing Tinder for my own malicious purposes. - ‘I’m looking for the best spot to purchase a new goldfish. Mine just escaped.’
Never actually used it, but still want to. - ‘I’m hustling boys and selling raffle tickets for my softball-club’
Actually used, AND successfully so! - ‘I have a serious sports injury and my physiotherapist suggested I practice the swipe-right motion for recovery-purposes. This seemed like a good place to get some practice’
Only got a ‘haha’, followed by a quick diversion to whether we should swap numbers so we could also swap pics of our genitals (you can assume correctly that I did not go for this ‘tempting’ offer) - ‘I just ordered some IKEA furniture and I need someone to come build it for me’
Also actually used, and successfully so. Hell. That particular dude even stuck around for three months or so after.
Anyway, you catch my drift, right?
The question. Is. Lame.
Because when you’re on Tinder – you know why you’re on Tinder. They know why you’re on Tinder. Everyone you mention to that you’re on Tinder knows why you’re on Tinder. So honestly, WHAT answer ARE you expecting?
I guess it’s an easy conversation maker. And I suppose the generic answers would either hint towards being on Tinder for ‘fun’ or for ‘more’ (which is an important distinction to make if you’re a fuckboy trying to get laid, I suppose). But maaaaaan – can you uncover this crucial information a bit less auspiciously and generic?
These days, seeing as I’m in picky-as-fuck-and-not-really-interested mode anyway – I imagine myself sitting on the couch next to a big ole lever. With Tinder potentials popping up on the table in front of me, spinning in circles slowly so as to be assessed from all angles. Blurting out their boring lines and silly questions.
And when they opt for the ‘So, what are you looking for on Tinder?’ I PULL on that lever. A hatch opens. They disappear into the dark despairing depths of ‘the well of Tinder Fuckboys’ and all I hear is their elongated cry on the way down:
‘Buuuuuuttttttt IIIIIIIIIII waaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnteeeeeeeeeeddddddddd annnnnnn eaaaaaaaasyyyyyyyyyyy scoooooooooooooooreeeeeeeee, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!’.
Extremely satisfying fantasy, to be frank. And a lot more imaginative than the general Tinder populace, sadly.
Up for some more Tinder Tales?
Keep reading:
Tinder Tales – Picture Perfect
Tinder Tales – Virtually Unique
Tinder Tales – Why ARE we here?
Tinder Tales – Darn those algorithms!
Tinder Tales – Anal.
Tinder Tales – Picky
Tinder Tales – But what does it mean?!
Tinder Tales – The curious case of the neckbeard
Zoewiezoe 
Love the creative responses! Made me chuckle. It is a pointless and boring question. Why would anyone ask you why you’re on a dating/flirting app??
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Right?
‘Gee, captain Obvious….why do you wager I’m here? Watering mah plants, obviously 🙄’ 😆🤣
Tinder sucks.
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It does suck! Like you say too, it’s populated by thirsty fuckboys. Not that I’m being sexist. When I was in there, I encountered a number of women who were only interested in similar things. I’ve never been a “one and done” kinda guy so Tinder never really worked for me.
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Get a cute dog like my Norman, an irrepressibly cute Old English Sheepdog for loves everyone. He’s a date guarantee. 😇
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Even the name itself is cute. Norman. Dammit. I need me a Norman 🤩😍👌
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He even looks like a Norman. Cutest damn dog around with the biggest black nose I’ve ever seen on a dog. His adorable face just makes you want to leave lipstick marks all over it. 💖 Hope you find a Norman soon.
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As you pointed out yourself, people ask that tedious question because there may be a variety of reasons why someone’s using it. Some are just after sex, some are looking for a relationship and some are just looking for the ego boost of being “liked”. And seeing as the majority of female participants who do match don’t bother to communicate, I don’t think it’s fair to expect men to come up with something zingy every time. It’s a horrifically demeaning and jading experience and I’m glad I’m out of it.
Maybe if you specified on your tinder profile what you are looking for they wouldn’t have to ask.
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Why isn’t it fair?
I come up with zingy new fun replies for everyone that I communicate with as well, so I have no qualms holding them to that same standard 😆
Just because the rest of the girls on Tinder are just as lame as most of the men are, doesn’t mean I should bother with the generic treatments applied to me as well xD
You get what you give, I suppose 🤷♀️
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Well, from my point of view, when I was using Tinder about 90% of matches would not reply to whatever my opener was, zingy or otherwise. It’s very frustrating. Why would you match if you have no intention of talking?
After a while you realise that you’re wasting your time trying to be witty and engaging with shit people. And let’s face it, most people on these apps are shit people. Most people everywhere are shit people.
So eventually, you’re so jaded and utterly despairing of what the human race has descended to, you start off with something generic just to see if there is a person with a functioning brain cell and a modicum of human decency at the other end. If the first exchange is just ‘hi’/’hi, how are you?’/’hi, what are you looking for here?’, well, at least we’ve established contact and we can start finding out if we might like each other.
Another thing I noticed on my many brief forays into the Tinder world was that most people don’t put any information on their profile. So you don’t know what they’re after, and why waste an evening chatting with someone who’s not looking for the same thing as you?
Maybe you do come up with zingy new replies every time, Zoe, but those are for those you choose to reply to. Do you reply to everyone you match with?
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I reply to everyone I match with and that takes the trouble to send me a message, yes. Similarly though – the silence from ‘their’ side is often just as deafening in starting (or continuing) conversations.
However, once I feel like I should lower my standards in lieu of facilitating less dissatisfaction I rather quit using the apps altogether instead of conforming to the drab. Until then – I complain about the people who do 😆🤪
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I’m glad you do reply. You’re one of the non-shit people.
An awful lot of people simply don’t have anything worthwhile to say or don’t know how to hold a conversation. I found the whole experience depressing. I would generally last a few weeks at most at a time before deleting.
I don’t know what a ‘fuckboi’ is but I’m concerned that I may have been tarred with that brush because my opening line might not have been that exciting. It doesn’t sound like something I’d want to be.
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Your responses are hilarious 😂😂
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Glad you seem to think so, as opposed to the innocent victims xD
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I would laugh even if a victim and say fair point and realise the error of my ways 🤣. You’re doing them a favour. If they don’t learn then that’s their problem hahaha.
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Zoe, you could take this on the road as a comedy act. You would make millions. Thank you for starting my day laughing.
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Oh dear, millions?!
No can do – then I’d also have to deal with golddiggers in addition to fuckbois 😆🤣
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I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
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Loooooooooove it, laughed loudly out loud, so sad but so true.
I’ve stopped using it and I get daily notifications from Tinder asking if my thumbs are sore or if I’m lonely? Tinder app is acting like a needy fuckboy because you know the minute I go back I’m gonna get more of the same crappy treatment 😂
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Some of your answers were brilliant — and similar to the sort of thing I can come out with (not on Tinder, though).
If someone asks a stupid question, they should expect a stupid answer 😉
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And I definitely guarantee them the stupidest of answers indeed 😆🤣
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The stupider the better 😉
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Oh God i’m so Glad
i didn’t Left or Right
Swipe my Wife in
The Want Ads
(Shelf Life
Lasts much
Longer)
And it’s so
True Dude’s
Swiping For
Naked Pics
And Women
Believing
Love is
In the Want Ads…
If You Don’t Have
What it Takes to
Do it in Person
You usually Don’t…
Better to ‘Smell’
A Person First…
And God i’ve Heard
The Horror Stories
Suitable For Halloween2 🎃
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This could come off wrong, but I understand you to be cerebral.
You are not being picky as ” ” , you are confronting reality.
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I think it’s important and good for you to be picky. I think we’d all like to hear about your goldfish’s escape as well.
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Well as a matter of happenstance I do have some (fishy) pet stories in that category. However – they would make for much more morbid tales than I think would be good for increasing my dating potential…
But if you feel this would make for interesting reading I might oblige xD
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Lol. I’m not sure, now!
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lovin it! 😛
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Why ARE we here?
To play softball 🥎, of course? 😉
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Oh you’re Dutch? This was the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! 🤣.
“Extremely satisfying fantasy, to be frank.”
It really was 🤣🤣.
“I thought I was on the dark web, looking for a new slave.”
Oh my god you’re too high-brow for Tinder loool. I totally agree, though— any clichéd statement/question is just an insult in any context 😅.
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Lolol! I’m totally using ‘I just ordered some IKEA furniture and I need someone to come build it for me’! 😛
The funniest response that I have received from a guy to this question was – ” My girlfriend and I are bored and would love some company to entertain ourselves!” 😀 😀
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Ahhhh yes, the famous unicorn threesome hunter xD
Classic!
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I have gone with hugs and cuddles and bunniwunnies and elves, but I was bluffing about the bunniwunnies and elves.
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One should never bluf about such things!
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It’s a place without honour, out there where the bunniwunniless people wander.
The question now is: do I have the bunny back, and am prepared to use it? Nobody said dating could involve such unspeakable things. 🐰🐰🐰🐇🐇
I’m much better just wandering round shores and tides. Maybe it’s simpler with mermaids, so long as they don’t get too skinny near an air filter.
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I heard those sealovers are awfully demanding. Not so much of fluffy things like bunniwunnis but the do go hard on shiny scales…
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This made me laugh…………….incidentally I only ever go on Tinder for one reason, don’t we all? 😉
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Anyone who says differently is fibbing to some extent 🤐🤐😈🤣
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Good point 😂
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I wouldn’t agree that the answer us obvious. I have plenty experience just talking to people out there. And my friends about why they use tinder. Primarily it was made for dating. But because so many people use it, you can use it just to met some locals while you travel, to show you around and so.
So the answers may vary.
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Hmm. I suppose you have a point, but at the same time I’m gonna guess that those chatty travellers would still go for the optional hookup over just chatting when given the opportunity 😜🤪
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Some might, some not. My friends, who are in happy relationships were seeking just what I’ve mentioned and even if the chance was given, they didn’t go for it.
But I know I might be talking about the exceptions. Without any bigger research and statistics, we can’t really say, right? 🙂
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Interesting 🧐
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😜🤣
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Never used Tinder, but I did meet my husband online.
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So there’s hope for us dating-app-mongrels 🤔🤭
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😄
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Hahaaa I really liked the sports injury one. Too great. I hate dating websites…and I avoided Tinder back when I was doing that whole thing. It has a bad reputation or something. But they are all bullshit.
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It does have a bad rep indeed. Mostly being a hook-up app these days, instead of dating. But it’s still better amusement than spending lockdown weeks staring at a crack in the wall, I suppose ;);)
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I hear ya. I used like every other dating app in the free world except that one. I thought about it though.
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